Sunday, December 7, 2008

This isn't Hollywood

Procrastination. Yes, this is usually NOT a word to describe me, but today for some reason, there was no way I was going to be the unthinkable: study. Instead for the majority of the afternoon, I have plopped myself in front of the couch and got my brain sucked by my newest love MTV. My life is not nearly as big or exciting (it especially doesn't deserve a reality show). But in a way, I don't think I would like to be a celebrity. Which is a bit odd since we in the Western world are taught to seek fame and fortune. There is no doubt that these termed "reality shows" are scripted, but sometimes I sit on my couch, pondering how ridiculous a life like that would be.

Which brings me to the word persona, my personal word of the day. In life, I think that so many people put on a facade, and don this persona of someone bigger and better than who they really are. Sometimes the mask changes from person to person. In my grade 11 Drama course, our class had a long and heartfelt discussion about the masks we wear in everyday life. It was so interesting to see how people would open up and talk about the things that we try to keep hidden. But it poses another question, was that conversation still a facade? It is difficult for us humans to expose ourselves to the barest level, as there is a sense of vulnerability. Would someone like me for myself?

We are propagated that we are to be beautiful, perfect and happy at all times. But no one can ever be like that. I may not have a camera following me 24/7, yet there is still pressure to be bubbly, cheerful and "zany". People say that they have never seen me sad or angry. These raw emotions that they never see on my face, but they happen more often than not. I am me. I am raw. I am vulnerable. But I am not going to let you in. This is my problem with blogging. I find that I start a corny post about something generic and that is not me. So instead I will write whatever I feel like, not what my friends write about, or what people care about. Sorry if I disappoint, but you will just have to deal with me- Erin. <3

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